Relationship coach, dating expert and men’s ‘wing girl’ Marni Kinrys is speaking up about relationships with past loves - and whether or not it’s a good idea.
“My clients often bring this up to me, and while it’s not a one-size-fits-all situation, I can often very clearly see their reactions and emotions when they’re speaking, and that tells me a lot,” says Kinrys of the touchy subject.
“It totally depends on what gender you are talking about - when men are over their exes, they don’t bring them up… if a guy is constantly bringing up his ex, in a not so nice manner and somewhat emotional way… he’s not over her.
“Women, however, are the opposite. If she’s over her ex, she WILL talk about him. She does this to subtly explain to her new man how she works and what she wants and what didn’t work for her in the past… it’s called third-wheel exing, bringing a third party into your dating life to help things move along more smoothly this time around.”
Whether it’s for closure, concern about bad traits popping up again in the new relationship or someone simply isn’t over the former relationship, “you need to be on alert if your partner is still regularly talking to his or her ex, good or bad. He’s supposed to be spending his time building a solid relationship with YOU. If energy is being expended elsewhere, that’s a red flag.
“This is where I tell my clients about strong, straightforward and honest communication, no matter how awkward it may seem. If this person is right for you, the conversations will be comfortable and ultimately make you feel better. If you can’t manage this, then maybe this is a sign that the person is not the right one for you.”